


a tweet is worth 140 characters

by athletiger, BladeoftheNebula, march_hyde, starksnack



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Coffeeshop AU, Crack, Epistolary, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Story written entirely in tweets, Twitter AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athletiger/pseuds/athletiger, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladeoftheNebula/pseuds/BladeoftheNebula, https://archiveofourown.org/users/march_hyde/pseuds/march_hyde, https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksnack/pseuds/starksnack
Summary: From tumblr: "Ok but imagine it’s Steve on a date with a guy like this and Tony’s watching from across the coffee shop, live tweeting it!! And then Steve finds out that Tony Stark was tweeting about his terrible date and responds to the thread like “next time feel free to step in and save me!” And Tony’s like “next time you should just date me” and whoops, a twitter romance is born!"Well. It happened.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 330
Kudos: 875





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lola29](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lola29/gifts).



> This fic is inspired by this post [here](https://superstars-stripes.tumblr.com/post/615307372111478784/therollingstonys-blackberries-and-arsenic), and Lolalove begged someone to write it. I spent all afternoon formatting, and here it is. For you, my love.
> 
> Tig: Co-written by my lovely Blade and Kait. Thank you lovelies for helping me out!
> 
> I was also told that twitter is now 280 characters, but for the purposes of this fic, it remains 140 characters or less, just for the hell of it.

Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Watching a couple on what looks like a terrible first coffee date at the table next to me. Dude is a very pretentious self-involved writer.

  


2:34 PM • August 12, 2017

32.2K Retweets 43.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Pepper, don’t worry, I’m doing my work. I just needed to get out of my office for a bit. (I’m definitely not avoiding my board meeting.)

  


2:37 PM • August 12, 2017

24.6K Retweets 30.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

”I’m writing a screenplay. It’s about this guy who never really feels like he fits in. Like he’s just different.”

  


2:40 PM • August 12, 2017

29.2K Retweets 29.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

”People tell me I look like James Franco.” God, what a prick. No offense to Franco, he’s okay. But this guy though...

  


2:41 PM • August 12, 2017

28.6K Retweets 29.1K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

The other guy’s politely asking him questions, but he’s gotten no questions about himself. Wait he just asked if he’d ever dated a writer...

  


2:44 PM • August 12, 2017

27.7K Retweets 28.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

”Writing is really hard. People don’t know that. It involves a lot of introspection, a lot of wrestling with your own demons.”

  


2:48 PM • August 12, 2017

26.9K Retweets 28.6K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

He should have said: “Writing is hard, involves a lot of typing and makes my fingers hurt. Don’t even get me started on creating new ideas.”

  


2:49 PM • August 12, 2017

35.6K Retweets 38.9K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

You know what’s hard, asshole? Coding. Coding’s hard. Writing in code is harder.

  


2:50 PM • August 12, 2017

34.4K Retweets 36.1K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

He’s now complaining about the “body” of the coffee, telling him that he knows a place that doesn’t over-roast their beans.

  


2:51 PM • August 12, 2017

32.2K Retweets 34.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Excuse you, this is good coffee. Perfectly medium roasted Argentinian coffee. I don’t come all the way here for shitty coffee.

  


2:55 PM • August 12, 2017

30.7K Retweets 33.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

For all you twitter fans, I’m in Brooklyn, where they make the best coffee that I’ve ever tasted.

  


2:59 PM • August 12, 2017

30.0K Retweets 31.8K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie works for a non-profit. Asshole is condescendingly explaining to him why most non-profit models don’t work...

  


3:00 PM • August 12, 2017

29.8K Retweets 30.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

...apparently, he looked into creating a non profit to raise awareness for early onset hair loss once

  


3:02 PM • August 12, 2017

27.8K Retweets 29.9K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Every single thing Hottie mentions Asshole “did that one time, with my buddy” and is an expert in

  


3:04 PM • August 12, 2017

27.4.K Retweets 29.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie: I actually love cooking  
Jackass: Oh god you should try my puttanesca sauce, my friend who’s a chef says it’s even better than his

  


3:07 PM • August 12, 2017

26.7K Retweets 28.8K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

”You should try my paella, mom’s recipe. I think it’ll knock your pants off.” Asshole is winking...with both eyes

  


3:10 PM • August 12, 2017

25.7K Retweets 28.4K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

”A lot of my friends are having kids but I don’t know,” *self-conscious laugh* “I can barely take care of myself let alone a baby.”

  


3:12 PM • August 12, 2017

25.2K Retweets 28.0K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Oh god, he’s talking about how his fear of having children stems from his daddy issues. IT’S THE FIRST DATE FOR GOD’S SAKE.

  


3:14 PM • August 12, 2017

26.4K Retweets 30.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie has a look of panic.

  


3:17 PM • August 12, 2017

35.8K Retweets 39.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie just looked at his phone in feigned surprise. “Oh weird, I have a text from my mom.” I just inhaled my coffee and coughed loudly

  


3:20 PM • August 12, 2017

34.6K Retweets 38.1K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Asshole, oblivious: “oh yeah? That’s awesome, I don’t think my mom even knows how to read”

  


3:25 PM • August 12, 2017

33.8K Retweets 37.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie: “yeah, she’s, uh, in labor. She’s in a meeting right now and needs me to bail her out of it to take her to the hospital. Can’t miss the birth of my own child.”

  


3:28 PM • August 12, 2017

32.2K Retweets 35.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

LMAO HE JUST SAID “HIS OWN CHILD” OMG and asshole DIDNT EVEN NOTICE

  


3:30 PM • August 12, 2017

31.6K Retweets 34.9K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Asshole: do you want to go and come back?  
Hottie: It takes forever for the calves to be born  
Asshole: calves? I thought you said your mom 

  


3:34 PM • August 12, 2017

31.3K Retweets 34.1K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie: Did I well I definitely meant cow. Yup cows for sure  
OUT THE DOOR LIKE A SHOT

  


3:35 PM • August 12, 2017

30.8K Retweets 33.8K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie’s 100% not going to text him. Be free hotstuff!

  


3:35 PM • August 12, 2017

30.8K Retweets 33.8K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Asshole just opened his laptop and started typing. I bet he’s writing a blog about how successful he is at dating

  


3:36 PM • August 12, 2017

35.8K Retweets 39.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

I read a sentence over his shoulder but honestly it looks like he ate a dictionary and started vomiting words at random.

  


3:38 PM • August 12, 2017

40.3K Retweets 46.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

I had to look up “populous breasts.” Why is he disrespecting the entire female population like that?

  


3:42 PM • August 12, 2017

43.6K Retweets 49.4K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Pepper’s calling me now. Oops, sorry Pepper. Back to work.

  


3:45 PM • August 12, 2017

47.6K Retweets 48.9K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

next time feel free to step in and save me!

Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Hottie’s 100% not going to text him. Be free hotstuff!

4:06 PM • August 12, 2017

35.6K Retweets 38.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Next time you should just date me 😉

Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

next time feel free to step in and save me!

4:06 PM • August 12, 2017

63.8K Retweets 79.1K Likes

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tig: Did someone say chapter 2? _crickets chirping_ No? Well, here's the second chapter that ~~no one~~ some of you asked for.
> 
> Nebula: Back by popular demand (seriously guys, we are overwhelmed at the response!), part two of the Twitter AU!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the lovely feedback ❤️ we’re glad that you’re having as much fun as we are.
> 
> Special mention to Tig and her coding skills - she makes the twitter magic happen!
> 
> Tig: And adding a new member to our group: march_hyde for editing the dates, retweets, and likes!

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

That guy from last week still hasn’t messaged me back

  


12:28 PM • August 19, 2017

151 Retweets 412 Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

Doesn’t know what he’s missing

  


12:34 PM • August 19, 2017

89 Retweets 633 Likes

  


Bucky Barnes  
@onearmedbandit

I think he knows exactly what he’s missing.

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

Doesn’t know what he’s missing

1:06 PM • August 19, 2017

437 Retweets 824 Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Do y’all remember the terrible first coffee hottie? I scored a date with him.

  


2:11 PM • August 19, 2017

28.2K Retweets 86.3K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

I’ve only accepted it to get the other guy off my back.

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam

Do y’all remember the terrible first coffee hottie? I scored a date with him!

2:46 PM • August 19, 2017

1.5K Retweets 23.4K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

still a date! 😉

Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

I’ve only accepted it to get the other guy off my back.

3:27 PM • August 19, 2017

61.9K Retweets 74.1K Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

You must have not been able to find a real man, cuz really, stark? you traded me for a fucking playboy?

Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

I’ve only accepted it to get the other guy off my back.

4:08 PM • August 19, 2017

4.3K Retweets 10.5K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

It’s called an upgrade. At least he listens to me.

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

You must have not been able to find a real man, cuz really, stark? you traded me for a fucking playboy?

4:33 PM • August 19, 2017

35.5K Retweets 58.7K Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

I listened! You said your mom was a total cow!

Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

It’s called an upgrade. At least he listens to me.

4:38 PM • August 19, 2017

2.2K Retweets 8.5K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

🤦

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

I listened! You said your mom was a total cow!

4:40 PM • August 19, 2017

8.7K Retweets 48.3K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

I need your guy’s help: cook at home or take him to a restaurant?

  


Cook at home

Take him out to dinner

  


7:34 PM • August 19, 2017

12.8K Retweets 69.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Apparently none of you have any confidence in my cooking abilities - well too bad, he's coming to the tower and my food will be great.

8:04 PM • August 19, 2017

38.2K Retweets 83.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Got something for my date!

10:34 PM • August 19, 2017

18.9K Retweets 43.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Going to make one of my world famous omelettes. It’s so smooth that it’s gonna make him cream...Hottie’s not going to know what hit him

10:36 PM • August 19, 2017

18.8K Retweets 33.2K Likes

  


Col. James Rhodes  
@ColonelRockyRhodes

Spoiler alert - It’s food poisoning

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam

Going to make one of my world famous omelettes. It’s so smooth that it’s gonna make him cream...Hottie’s not going to know what hit him

10:39 PM • August 19, 2017

35.6K Retweets 91.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Rhodeybear! BETRAYAL.

Col. James Rhodes  
@ColonelRockyRhodes

Spoiler alert - It’s food poisoning

10:40 PM • August 19, 2017

10.2K Retweets 43.1K Likes

  


Virginia Potts✔  
@CEOStarkIndustries

Do you remember the time you tried to feed me pasta? It was BURNT.

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam

Rhodeybear! BETRAYAL.

10:42 PM • August 19, 2017

8.6K Retweets 28.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

@ColonelRockyRhodes @CEOStarkIndustries It’s going to be PERFECT

10:44 PM • August 19, 2017

14.3K Retweets 41.1K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

OMG THE PAN IS ON FIRE

  


3:56 PM • August 20, 2017

22.2K Retweets 63.8K Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

flame on

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam

OMG THE PAN IS ON FIRE

  
  


3:58 PM • August 20, 2017

181 Retweets 546 Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

ABORT MISSION I ALMOST GOT EGG ON MY VALENTINO WHITE SHIRT

4:32 PM • August 20, 2017

10.2K Retweets 48.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Shit, I definitely spilled butter and cheese all over myself.

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam

ABORT MISSION I ALMOST GOT EGG ON MY VALENTINO WHITE SHIRT

  


4:51 PM • August 20, 2017

23.6K Retweets 38.5K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

@youknowwhoiam I’m having problems entering Stark Tower...

  


4:06 PM • August 20, 2017

6.8K Retweets 13.1K Likes

  


Virginia Potts✔  
@CEOStarkIndustries

I’ll DM you our secret entrance...Mr. Stark is currently having problems in the kitchen

Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

@youknowwhoiam I’m having problems entering Stark Tower...

4:06 PM • August 20, 2017

1.7K Retweets 6.1K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

EVERYTHING’S UNDER CONTROL

Virginia Potts✔  
@CEOStarkIndustries

I’ll DM you our secret entrance...Mr. Stark is currently having problems in the kitchen

4:06 PM • August 20, 2017

10.1K Retweets 26.7K Likes

  


Col. James Rhodes  
@ColonelRockyRhodes

Like you have your life under control?

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam

EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL

5:06 PM • August 20, 2017

12.6K Retweets 40.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

🖕

Col. James Rhodes  
@ColonelRockyRhodes

Like you have your life under control?

5:36 PM • August 20, 2017

9.8K Retweets 59.1K Likes

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's definitely gonna be at least a part 3 to this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are in awe with the positive response we received in the last chapter. We read every single one and cherished every single comment you gave us. Thank you so much for commenting, kudosing, and loving this fic!

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

@youknowwhoiam What happened to the omelette Stark? Not as *EGG*Straordinary as you planned?

  


5:56 PM • August 20, 2017

1 Retweets 1 Likes

Bucky Barnes @onearmedbandit  
replying to @the_tempest

Did you just like your own tweet? SMH This guy’s a total yolk.

  


91 Retweets 306 Likes

  


Col. James Rhodes  
@ColonelRockyRhodes

Guess he really had to scramble for clout. He’s just mad he didn’t get laid 👏

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

What happened to the omelette Stark? Not as *EGGS*traordinary as you planned?

6:03 PM • August 20, 2017

526 Retweets 983 Likes

Bucky Barnes @onearmedbandit  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes

👏 Truly *EGG*-cellent

  


127 Retweets 427 Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes and @onearmedbandit

Oh come on!

  


3 Retweets 25 Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

I still can’t believe that @sgrogers chose @youknowwhoiam over yours truly. Do you remember when @TMZ covered his sex tape three years ago? 

  


7:34 PM • August 20, 2017

42 Retweets 184 Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

You forgot the genius billionaire philanthropist part.  
God, even your twitter handle is pretentious. By the way, I’m making your mom’s paella 

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

I still can’t believe that @sgrogers chose @youknowwhoiam over yours truly. Do you remember when @TMZ covered his sex tape three years ago?

8:14 PM • August 20, 2017

56.9k Retweets 98.5k Likes

Steven G. Rogers @sgrogers  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam

You burnt the omelette, Tony.

  


351 Retweets 814 Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam and @sgrogers

I told you.

  


169 Retweets 499 Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam

I’m an award-winning novelist. I was the winner of the National Book Award in 2005. What have YOU done? 

  


6 Retweets 19 Likes

Tony Stark✔@whoknowwhoiam  
replying to @the_tempest and @youknowwhoiam

Oh gee, I don’t know, maybe I lead a Fortune 500 company, I’ve been in the Times 100 every year since I was 21.

  


69.0k Retweets 420.0k Likes

Tony Stark✔@whoknowwhoiam  
replying to @the_tempest and @youknowwhoiam

who knows though. Pepper’s the one who keeps track for me.

  


33.9k Retweets 90.5 Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Don’t get cocky, Mr. Stark. Don’t forget who runs your company.

  


423 Retweets 2.1K Likes

Tony Stark✔@whoknowwhoiam  
replying to @CEOStarkIndustries and @youknowwhoiam

You’re right. I’ve done nothing in my life. I’m a nobody 🤷

  


50.5 Retweets 72.9 Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

🙄

  


169 Retweets 407 Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

that guy over there looks familiar. Wait. That was my date.

  


9:28 PM • August 20, 2017

15 Retweets 47 Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

What the hell is Cow boy doing here???

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

that guy over there looks familiar. Wait. That was my date.

  
  


9:33 PM • August 20, 2017

22 Retweets 58 Likes

Steven G. Rogers @sgrogers  
replying to @the_tempest

yeehaw

  


578 Retweets 1.2K Likes

Bucky Barnes @onearmedbandit  
replying to @sgrogers and @the_tempest

🤠🤠🤠

  


137 Retweets 576 Likes

Sam Wilson @milleniumfalcon  
replying to @sgrogers and @the_tempest

🤠🐎

  


89 Retweets 390 Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @the_tempest

WHY IS EVERYONE SENDING ME THESE??? 

  


31 Retweets 84 Likes

Natasha Romanoff@sassassin  
replying to @the_tempest

💩🔥

  


45 Retweets 174 Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

Can’t believe Cow Boy traded me in for Tiny Stark over there. Guy is like 3 feet tall

  


10:28 PM • August 20, 2017

151 Retweets 412 Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

Travel size for my convenience

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

Can’t believe Cow Boy traded me in for Tiny Stark over there. Guy is like 3 feet tall

  


10:52 PM • August 20, 2017

35.5K Retweets 66.6K Likes

Tony Stark✔@whoknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

>:(

  


1.1 Retweets 4.3 Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

Ugh, the way they’re staring at each other is disgusting

  


11:18 PM • August 20, 2017

151 Retweets 412 Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

(✿◠ᴗ•)八(•ᴗ•❤)

Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

Ugh, the way they’re staring at each other is disgusting

  


11:33 PM • August 20, 2017

11.5K Retweets 40.7K Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

Cow Boy just got up to go to the bathroom, bet he’s about to dine and ditch - bad luck Stark! 

  


11:35 PM • August 20, 2017

151 Retweets 412 Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @the_tempest

Wait, Stark’s getting up too. 

  


151 Retweets 412 Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @the_tempest

They’ve been gone awhile, did they both just leave without paying?! 

  


151 Retweets 412 Likes

Bucky Barnes @onearmedbandit  
replying to @the_tempest

Dude.

  


71 Retweets 412 Likes

Tony Stark✔@whoknowwhoiam  
replying to @onearmedbandit and @the_tempest

;)

  


893 Retweets 2.6 Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

What? 

  


32 Retweets 126 Likes

Tony Stark✔@whoknowwhoiam  
replying to @the_tempest

;) ;) ;)

  


211 Retweets 623 Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Stop winking! I don’t get it!

  


151 Retweets 412 Likes

Clint Barton@cawcawmotherfucker  
replying to @the_tempest and @youknowwhoiam

Come on, man 👉👌👅🍆💦

  


958 Retweets 3.9 Likes

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt ideas are not only allowed and accepted, they are _encouraged_. We would love to hear your thoughts on what's coming up!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand, we're back with a new chapter! Thank you everyone for giving us prompts from the last chapter! We have taken them into consideration and will be using a few of yours for future content! Feel free to continue prompting us.

Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

Need your help! Where should we go for our next date? 

  


Park

Museum

  


10:56 AM • August 22, 2017

2.9K Retweets 7.8K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

how about a picnic in bed?

  


6.1K Retweets 18.2K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

how about no - that’s not a proper date

  


13.6K Retweets 19.4K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

oh, *now* you’re admitting that this is a date.

  


2.1K Retweets 10.2K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

keep that up and there will be *no* date.

  


8.7K Retweets 14.7K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

sorry, sorry. but how about a picnic in bed after?

  


1.9K Retweets 2.3K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

😒

  


394 Retweets 874 Likes

Bucky Barnes@onearmedbandit  
replying to @the_tempest

tmi, get a room

  


12.1K Retweets 24.8K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

Thank you all for your response! Setting up a date now! 

  


9:34 PM • August 22, 2017

4.2K Retweets 17.4K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

The park. Really?

  


2.5K Retweets 6.9K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Weather’s nice.

  


956 Retweets 3.8K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

But it’s outside! Don’t you know there are *insects* and *dirt* out there?

  


6.9K Retweets 15.3K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

I’ll bring donuts?

  


2.4K Retweets 9.2K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

Deal.

  


1.1K Retweets 3.6K Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam and @sgrogers

You sold yourself out for donuts?

  


14.5K Retweets 32.9K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

I sold myself out to Steve. His smiles are to d i e for. The donuts are just a bonus.

  


9.1K Retweets 30.2K Likes

Sam Wilson @milleniumfalcon  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

TMI dude. But I agree with the donuts part.

  


3.4K Retweets 8.6K Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @sgrogers

Please bring some by next time you drop by the Tower.

  


1.8K Retweets 3.1K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Of course! I’ll save some for you from Tony’s greedy hands.

  


7.3K Retweets 10.1K Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam

You even *make* donuts for Stark? 

  


1.3K Retweets 192 Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

Tony’s having more fun than he’ll admit. 

  


11:36 AM • August 25, 2017

12.3K Retweets 25.6K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

All lies.

  


4.1K Retweets 30.6 Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

A squirrel stole the last donut! 😡 

  


1:53 PM • August 25, 2017

36.2K Retweets 43.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

The squirrel is now trying to steal my man. Steve, stop feeding the squirrel! OMG, I swear, don’t give it junk food; it’s bad for them! Also, think of the diseases it could carry. 

  


2:04 PM • August 25, 2017

32.2K Retweets 54.2K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

I’ve named the squirrel Tony. He’s my new friend!

Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

The squirrel is now trying to steal my man. Steve, stop feeding the squirrel! OMG, I swear, don’t give it junk food; it’s bad for them! Also, think of the diseases it could carry. 

  


2:28 PM • August 25, 2017

12.5K Retweets 41.2K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

HOW DARE.

  


2.1K Retweets 3.6K Likes

Bucky Barnes@onearmedbandit  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

He does lmao.

  


3.8K Retweets 9.8K Likes

  


Tony Stark✔  
@youknowwhoiam

STEVE IS MAKING A FLOWER CROWN FOR THE SQUIRREL. STOP MAKING A FLOWER CROWN. 

  


2:38 PM • August 25, 2017

22.2K Retweets 53.2K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Tony squirrel likes it! Look at his face!

  


3.7K Retweets 7.8K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

Don’t name the squirrel after me omg.

  


2.2K Retweets 6.4k Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @sgrogers

Wow, Tony is cute as shit. Human Tony is alright I guess

  


11.9K Retweets 32.6K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes

🖕

  


1.1K Retweets 6.5KLikes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes

I don’t know why I’m still friends with you

  


1.2K Retweets 5.5K Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Because you know I’m one of the only few who can keep up with you and your antics.

  


1.4K Retweets 4.9K Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes

Rhodes isn’t wrong about that.

  


4.2K Retweets 12.1K Likes

  


Col. James Rhodes  
@ColonelRockyRhodes

Fixed it! 

  
  


Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers

Tony squirrel likes it! Look at his face!

  
  


2:44 PM • August 25, 2017

22.1K Retweets 36.2K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes

I have the worst friends.

  


2.5K Retweets 6.9K Likes


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tig: AND WE'RE BACK (after 6 months)! As usual, huge thanks to my buddies neb and kait for being amazing collaborators, and anoo for being an amazing intern, and thank you so much to you readers for being so supportive as well as suggesting prompts!

Tony Stark ✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Baking isn’t Rocket Science  
\- Sincerely, A Rocket Scientist  


  


3:14 PM - September 15, 2017

10.1K Retweets 21K Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam

Someone alert the fire department, Tony is trying to bake.

  


1.5K Retweets 4.9K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes

You could have a little more faith in me, I’m a certified genius!

  


5.1K Retweets 15.2K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

You’re baking? I’ll be over soon to be your taste tester!

  


9.7K Retweets 21.7K Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @sgrogers

RIP Steve Rogers, died eating Tony Stark’s cake

  


11.4K Retweets 24.9K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @ColonelRockyRhodes

Stay out of my sex life platypus

  


15.1K Retweets 30.2K Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Noooo come on! Not cool

  


1.4K Retweets 4.9K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

😏 

  


3.7K Retweets 16.8K Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

That really doesn’t help your case, Tony.

  


2.9K Retweets 5.1K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

I really need better friends.

  


10.3K Retweets 19.2K Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam

You have friends? 

  


4.3K Retweets 349 Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @the_tempest

As a matter of fact, I do. Unlike you.

  


6.8K Retweets 30.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark ✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Watch out Bugs Bunny, I’m the new king of slipping on banana peels. Aka, this baking thing is so much harder than I thought.

Tony Stark ✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Baking isn’t Rocket Science  
\- Sincerely, A Rocket Scientist

  


3:36 PM - September 15, 2017

2.9K Retweets 17.8K Likes

Bucky Barnes @onearmedbandit  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Six doctorates couldn’t save you from a Mario Kart drop item?

  


5.1 Retweets 41.6 Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @onearmedbandit

With followers like you, who needs haters.

  


2.1K Retweets 11.3K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Anyway, everything is under control, including my ass. But, @sgrogers, come kiss it better when you arrive.

  


6.5K Retweets 21.6K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

With pleasure.

  


4.7K Retweets 16.7K Likes

Clint Barton@cawcawmotherfucker  
replying to @sgrogers and @youknowwhoiam

GROSS YOU GUYS DO IT IN DMS.

  


6.1K Retweets 26.7K Likes

  


Tony Stark ✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Ugh, this is taking forever, I wonder if there is a way to up the temperature and decrease the time.

  


4:08 PM - September 15, 2017

2.9K Retweets 14.8K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

You’re going to burn the banana bread.

  


8.3K Retweets 14.9K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

If it’s supposed to be baked at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, I could bake it at 3500 degrees for three minutes?

  


10.4K Retweets 30.2K Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Tony, no

  


12.6K Retweets 23.1K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @CEOStarkIndustries

Tony yes!

  


9.1K Retweets 27.2K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

I’m going to harness the power of the sun to bake these cookies

  


16.1K Retweets 48.2K Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @whoknowwhoiam

remember back in college when you used to know all the firefighters by name?

  


9.4K Retweets 18.9K Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

The fire department just called me asking if there was a fire on the 73rd floor, Tony. I hope you’re not still in the kitchen.

  


3.8K Retweets 23.1K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @CEOStarkIndustries

Dum-E is on fire extinguisher duty, he’s all I need.

  


6.1K Retweets 18.2K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Should I be wearing a fireproof suit to our date?

  


7.7K Retweets 19.3K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

Wear a fireproof suit because I’m hot as hell not because MY BANANA BREAD IS ON FIRE OH GOD!

  


9.1K Retweets 35.6K Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

Update: everything’s under control, mostly. Besides the heat, Tony was winging the recipe and apparently put olive oil in the recipe. Or maybe it was motor oil?

Tony Stark ✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Wear a fireproof suit because I’m hot as hell not because MY BANANA BREAD IS ON FIRE OH GOD!

  


5:43 PM - September 15, 2017

22.9K Retweets 30.8K Likes

Natasha Romanoff@sassassin  
replying to @sgrogers

@whoknowwhoiam 🤮 Where did you get the recipe from?

  


1.9 Retweets 4.8 Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sassassin

...My heart?

  


12.1K Retweets 18.2K Likes

Virginia Potts✔@CEOStarkIndustries  
replying to @sassassin

I question whether he even knows what a recipe book is.

  


1.5K Retweets 9.1K Likes

Tony Stark✔@whoknowwhoiam  
replying to @sassassin and @CEOStarkIndustries

I didn’t KNOW that I needed a recipe book to make banana bread! I thought it was like cooking!

  


16.1K Retweets 20.2K Likes

Johnny Storm@the_tempest  
replying to @sgrogers

You really should dump Stark and go out with me, at least I know how to cook. I’m an amazing chef, I’d have you drooling before the first course. 

  


2.3K Retweets 286 Likes

  


Steven G. Rogers  
@sgrogers

Cooking and baking might not be skills Tony possesses, but at least he has other outstanding skills.

  


9:44 PM - September 15, 2017

12.5K Retweets 27.4K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

Like what? Do tell the public what you find attractive about me. Don’t forget to talk about my ASS-ets.

  


16.7K Retweets 38.1K Likes

Sam Wilson @milleniumfalcon  
replying to @sgrogers and @youknowwhoiam

REALLY? You’re going to talk about THAT on Twitter?!

  


6.9K Retweets 15.4K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @milleniumfalcon

Steve’s not complaining.

  


6.8K Retweets 19.3K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

I’m going to take away your phone.

  


4.7K Retweets 25.7K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

And deprive the world your blush?

  


16.1K Retweets 24.2K Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

The stars must be aligning again. Every attempt of dining out I see my date not six feet away from me. It is like the moon is blessing us to be together.

  


7:34 PM - September 17, 2017

5.9K Retweets 3.8K Likes

Bucky Barnes @onearmedbandit  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

You tweet like a twelve-year-old Wattpad romance writer. Let it go bro, Steve hasn’t been your date since the great coffee debacle of August.

  


5.3K Retweets 14.2K Likes

  


Tony Stark ✔  
@youknowwhoiam

I am victorious having stolen my phone back from the traitorous himbo! What did I miss?

  


8:11 PM - September 17, 2017

7.9K Retweets 15.2K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Are you really live tweeting under the table?

  


8.3K Retweets 12.7K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @sgrogers

Of course not, I normally smile at my crotch like an idiot

  


9.2K Retweets 27.5K Likes

  


Tony Stark ✔  
@youknowwhoiam

Should I lean in for the kiss now?

yes

no

  


8:37 PM - September 17, 2017

22.9K Retweets 37.8K Likes

Steven G. Rogers@sgrogers  
replying to @youknowwhoiam

Do it you coward

  


18.3K Retweets 24.6K Likes

  


Johnny Storm  
@the_tempest

I’m trying to have a peaceful dinner and these two douchebags are making out at the table next to me. It’s in poor taste I tell you. Is that not a health code violation?

  


8:40 PM - September 17, 2017

6.9K Retweets 2.8K Likes

Tony Stark✔@youknowwhoiam  
replying to @the_tempest

Steve and I really should start charging you, we’re not a pay per view, eat your damn spaghetti.

  


16.1K Retweets 48.2K Likes

Col. James Rhodes@ColonelRockyRhodes  
replying to @the_tempest

Poor taste would have been if Steve had stayed with your sorry ass.

  


10.4K Retweets 14.9K Likes

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic, feel free to reblog the link [here](https://athletiger.tumblr.com/post/615342855185170432/a-tweet-is-worth-140-characters-athletiger/)!
> 
> Check athletiger out on tumblr [here](https://athletiger.tumblr.com/), starksnack's twitter [here](https://twitter.com/starksnack), and bladeofthenebula's tumblr [here](https://bladeofthenebula27.tumblr.com/)!


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